Impressionable Me.
Dear Metallica,
I hate you. As a band and as individuals, I hate you. I never thought this would be the case. But I can say in complete earnest that, as a 35 year old metalhead who has seen you go from ragged, denim-clad metal gods to insecure fashion avenue wealth-casualties that I, in fact, hate you in a very real and very profound way.
In 1988, when I was 11 years old, I had a prepubescent musical and sociological awakening that was formed in large part by the environment from which I was borne. While many of my friends jumped on a bandwagon piloted by the likes of Michael Jordan and Nike, I found myself feeling rather dark, alienated, and unwilling to follow such a wiggerish pied piper. I was very turned off and vehemently opposed to such fashion and attitude. Who were we trying to kid? We weren’t urban. We were the sons of mechanics, cranberry growers, laborers, Masons, Elks, etc… It was 6th grade and I sought refuge and comfort with a classmate named Josh Schaeffer who had a mullet, an ear piercing, and a complete willingness to show up to school in a Guns N Roses shirt that featured an image of a recently-raped woman on the back. As a matter of fact, I am pretty sure he ended up in military school which, ask any metal head worth his salt, was a very real fear at the time. Anyway, through him, I discovered, among many many other metal icons, the great METALLICA.
In the year 1988, I looked up to Metallica with a reverence that would end up being the compass for which my life’s bearings were set to… 1992 and 1993 was the Metallove plateau. My walls were plastered with posters big and small, my denim jacket was a living advertisement to you and I wore it proudly and triumphantly … then in 1994 I heard your black album. Or should I say, the brown album. Because it felt like each of you unleashed your own brown into my ears. First off, the songs blew. At that point in my young life I had never heard such insincere, desperate heaviness. Second off, you seemed to have a new and revolting zeal for preposterous music videos and manufactured imagery. Prior to black, with the exception of One, your lyrics enabled my mind to create it’s own visuals for what your music was about. With black, your science was so fucking weak that you leaned on the crutch of MTV mise-en-scene. You, my friends, had officially become soft. And from then on, you would never, ever, ever recover. As a matter of fact, you’d reached the apex, tripped over your own shoelaces, and stumbled down down down down down.
Flash-forward to today. I’m 35. I pay your post-black album to now timeline no mind. I saw you play the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame show at MSG a while back which was just so pathetic and nauseating. I have Justice, Puppets, Kill ‘Em, and Lightning in my iPod and listen to them quite often. I saw Some Kind of Monster because I happened to be in a room where it was playing. I’ve seen the paparazzo pics of flip-flop wearing James and his bag of couture because 80 people forwarded it to me, knowing it’d make my blood boil. I’ve heard plenty about Lars’ art collection. I heard 10 seconds of your Lou-Reed-Collabo vanity project. I get it. You are mentally deranged, rich, white dudes who made a killing by smartly commodifying your metal zeitgeist. And then, WHAM, I recently read about Orion Music + More festival (fest) (whatever) happening June 23 & 24, 2012 in Atlantic City, NJ.
For the most part, not a bad fest. Not great, but not bad. I mean, I don’t care for half the shit you have booked, but a lot of people do. So more power to them. I hope they have fun. I really do! Because I am not an asshole. But then I see that one of the evenings is being touted as the first time you will have played the black album in its entirety on US soil. THE BLACK ALBUM? I see you are playing Ride The Lightning in its entirety on one night, which is a fucking great idea because that’s a great fucking album. But the BLACK ALBUM? Who are you playing for? Who of your fan base would rather hear that than, say, ANY OF THE OTHER ALBUMS PRIOR TO JUSTICE? Is it because black was your first serious, MTV-approved commercial success and that you feel obliged to cater to fans too dumb to get into your stuff before MTV told them too? Or is it because pre-Justice stuff is far too difficult for Lars, the shittiest, luckiest, most fraudulent drummer of all time? Either way, kudos on the fest because it actually implies effort. Though, probably not your effort. As a matter of fact, I think I know exactly what you’re doing; you are hosting a festival of eclectic, more contemporary acts, headlined by you, so you can attempt to slingshot yourselves back into relevance. Good luck with that. I also see there will be comedy at the fest. Will that include a 35-minute set of Kirk trying to convince the audience he isn’t gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that)?
Jesus fucking christ you have some incredible albums, but as ‘men’, you are a fucking disgrace. And transparent. Write a song as balls to the wall awesome as Disposable Heroes between now and the fest and I will become a Big Brother to some kid. I promise.
Awesome, man, just awesome. This is really true a metalhead cry towards bullshit.
Great letter. This one hit home because it’s so true. The most dangerous thing about Metallica’s transformation was how many other great bands they ruined. When Metallica convinced the world that thrash metal was dead, a void was created. Then that void was filled by talentless hacks like Limp Bizkit and Marilyn Manson. Even the mighty Megadeth faltered and followed the shifty new Metallica into the softer, weaker world of post-thrash. At least Megadeth returned and has created some true masterpieces over the past few album, but the damage is done. There will never be another new wave of American thrash metal, because the greed of our childhood heroes allowed them to stray from their roots. At least we got a decade of great music.
My hatred towards Metallica started when they jumped on the Napster killing bandwagon….saw MTV cribs one night and the house Lars lives in and all his cars and he is bitching because I want to download one of his songs….after that I honestly would turn the radio station when Metallica came on….still do it to this day.
I only listen to the old stuff this new band calling itself Metallica needs some better talent and song writers!
Jesus Christ. They cranked out four great fucking records and all you can do is complain? Let them change and move on as musicians and humans. I don’t care for anything post Justice either, but, who cares?
Thank you for saying this. I read and agree with each and every word. I am a part of an ever-worsening generation; I am 20 years old. Unfortunately I was unable to have been present for the “good old days.” That being said, there is one thing that I feel I have where the staggering majority of our “future” appears to be lacking. I wouldn’t know what exactly to call it but it is apparent and I make no efforts to hide it, at the cost of my own reputation among my peers (as if I even care though). If only I had been around to see the progression of great bands, back when being a band actually meant something. I missed it by birth, and I wish this were not the case. But I am able to research, and as a self-proclaimed social misfit born into the wrong time, I am naturally inclined to learn about how things used to be and what made them the way they are now. Not like I’m doing what the rest of the idiots do these days (sitting around watching Jersey Fucking Shore, listening to Lil Wayne, and all that bullshit). But even the ones who claim to be into “what music used to be,” such as myself admittedly; I feel are guilty of the EXACT thing that you just described. Rebellion for rebellion’s sake is NOT A STATEMENT. Based on what I have been able to gather, there has been a serious downward trend with Metallica, most metal bands, and really just music in general. I didn’t have to be there to see that the Black Album, the so-called “iconic” album of Metallica, marks little more than the beginning of the end. I just can’t shake the vibe that the only reason they say the things they say is because it seems “cool” “edgy” or whatever it is that the modern-day “Metal Band” goes well out of their way to seem like. I am disappointed, Metallica. I truly wish I could have seen you when you still meant it, because you obviously fucking did. DID. And I will always listen to what you played back THEN. But I just can’t hop on board with the new stuff. I feel like I’m just listening a bunch of discouraged posers vent about petty bullshit to me. And I don’t feel the slightest hint of sincerity behind it. I’m not sure what happened to music, but I wish I could have been here before it happened. I really fucking do. Born in 1993, though. Not by choice, but the timing could obviously not have been shittier. I don’t think they’ll hop back by any means, but I can wish. Total rant there, but it’s not like I can talk to any of the idiots I encounter from day to day about this kind of thing. It’s a real shame. Good article anyway. Hopefully I didn’t come across as “yet another idiot kid who thinks he can see past his generation’s bullshit even though he’s guilty of it too.” Those, my friends, are what we dumb asses call “hipsters” apparently. I don’t know why and I don’t care. But I do believe that my generation is largely responsible. So on behalf of all the dumb asses born in the same time period as me (late 80’s-mid 90’s), I offer you my sincerest apologies. Because we all know damn well that they won’t.